Poor Monkey

Since Kev has been gone this week, we have been calling Kaiden "monkey" when we are talking about him on the phone.

Don't know why, exactly, but it's cute. We're rolling with it.

So in what-we're-rolling-with fashion, Monkey had a rough day yesterday. When he woke up at 9:30, I figured he'd have a great day because he got some much needed sleep. Turns out, I was wrong. That happens to me a lot lately. ;-)

My plan was to go look for a lightweight stroller, go to the hospital to pick up my MRI images and then go to the petting zoo.

First stop - BabiesRus. He had a great time there and I let him push around a lightweight stroller for a good hour as I browsed the aisles of adorable baby stuff. He loved "driving" that thing around.

Then we grabbed lunch.

Second stop - Hospital. Not so much fun and this is when the crankiness began. He thought he was going to the doctor no matter how many times I told him it was for me and we were just picking up cd's. ha! When we went into Radiology and he saw the woman at the front desk, he screamed. Her poor face looked so sad. I couldn't help but laugh.

Third stop - flat tire. We were planning to go to the petting zoo, but since it was his nap time and in the 90's I asked if he'd be okay with going to the park instead. He was very happy about this. Then 10 minutes up the road, we got a flat. No problem, I'm an independent woman and can change a stupid flat. I got out the tire and thing that lifts the car (what's it called?), but couldn't find a tire iron. Ugghh! This nice man in an expensive suit and Range Rover stopped. He said he didn't know how to change a tire but would let us use his tire iron. It was too big, but I SO appreciated him stopping and trying to help. I then called the non-emergency police number for the city we were in. The woman was SO rude and impatient and she really put my mood in a not so good place. After talking with her and waiting 30 minutes, I called 411 again and they put me through to the wrong city, but it ended up working out. I told that lady to tell whoever was supposed to be coming that there was a 2yo in the car so they would hurry up. ha! Five minutes later, a State Trooper showed up. He informed me that the tire iron was on the thing that lifted the car. Oops!!! I felt like such an idiot. He changed our tire as Kaiden screamed in the car because his "buckles were hurting him" and then we were on our way. Do you know that they Roadside Assistance didn't show even within the HOUR?!? Idiots.

Fourth stop - was going to be the park. He fell asleep on the way home. When Jo got out of the car to go into the store, he woke up and started crying again.

Even though I knew he just needed a nap, I felt bad for him and said we would go to the park. We dropped Jo off and she ran in to get us some water before we went to the park. While she was in there, I convinced him to just play with me in the back yard. He was happy about this and we had a great time playing on our own "park". After that, I laid him down for a nap and he never fell back to sleep.

Later that evening when I was making dinner, he ran through the kitchen, slipped on a block and twisted his ankle. He screamed and I carried him around the rest of the night. He did try to walk to the bathroom, but limped the whole way. Since I could move his ankle and there was no bruising or swelling by bedtime, I let him sleep on it.

This morning we he got out of bed, he immediately started screaming. Poor monkey! He cried for a good while after that. I decided to keep him home from school and have Jo watch him. He was happy about that.

So add all that to a stuffy nose and 3 molars coming in and you could say he needs a good, fun weekend! You better believe I'm going to do everything in my power to give it to him, too!

Happy Friday ya'll!!

MRI Images

Just for fun, I thought I'd share these. Duuuuude...my tumor is HUGE! Tomorrow is my second opinion appt and the more I go on and get more information, the less likely I feel I have any other options. We'll see though. Pray with me ya'll!! Love ya!

Uhhh...

Uhhhh... is the state my brain has been in since yesterday.

Yesterday my doc informed me that, even though my tumor is not cancerous, he still wants to remove my left rectus abdominis muscle. (Yeah, I have a tumor so I'm learning big words now) ha! Anyways, that's my whole left ab muscle. Uhhhh....

Shoot! There I go again.

He's going to replace it with mesh to keep my bowels in and so the tissue has something to attach and grow to. Uhhh.....

I'm scared.

Brandi convinced me to get a second opinion. So, I'm going on Friday. My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. After the research I did, I don't think I'll need to cancel the surgery. =( The type of tumor I have is a desmoid tumor. It is a tumor that is not cancerous, but just grows and grows and there is no known cause. It's a pretty rare tumor that is only found in about 900 Americans annually. It is mostly found in woman that have had children or are pregnant. Some grow slow, some grow fast. If my doctor does not get all the tissue out, there is a 70% chance it will grow back. That is why he is recommending taking the whole muscle. I read some stories of people needing multiple surgeries because their doc only took out the tumor or part of the muscle. Uhhhh.... 


So, anyways, I went to pick up my medical records today for my second opinion on Friday. I drew a diagram of the measurements. Now, I'm not sure about the thickness of 4.2cm (see diagram). That part was described as AP dimension on the records and I couldn't find a clear definition of what that meant. Anyone know??

So take a look for yourself. I don't know about you, but I am pretty shocked!

click for actual size

Uhhhhhh.....

Dress Up...it's not just for girls!

When I think of dress up, I think of princess dresses and tea parties. But, I have a boy. Dress up with him includes wearing hats. Hard hats to look for spiders and ones with stars and stripes to sing Yankee Doodle.

It includes bunny ears while we practice our one-footed hop hop hop.

It includes funky over-sized glasses that are so funny you laugh until your sides hurt. 

It includes a zebra mask that your mama chases you around in like she's a lion because she really doesn't know what a zebra says.

 It's okay though. Dressing up is using your imagination to be whatever you want to be. Even if it is a Patriotic Rapper that enjoys channeling his Biz Beat skillzzzzzz.

Oh yeah...LIFE IS GOOD!!

My doc called me yesterday (yes, on a Sunday) to let me know that I am cancer FREE!! I didn't have the reaction I envisioned, instead I had the reaction God knew I needed. I didn't jump for joy or even hug my husband, instead I cried. I had so many emotions. My mind instantly felt so tired. The exhaustion took over my body and I just released. I was sitting at the table and when I was calming down, I said "I'm so happy" and Jordan and Kev just laughed at me. Then I laughed and hugged my husband. And then I'm pretty sure I did a jig in the kitchen as Kev opened a bottle of wine. After all, it was a celebration!

Yeah, you can say, I'm THIS happy!!

Celebrate life today, friends, because it is so so good!!

The Tumor Card

Since the findings of my tumor, I've been treated so marvelously. Lets face it, you don't want to treat someone who could potentially have cancer like crap. My phone has been blowing up, too. Yes, most of those calls are from my mother, but still, I've delightfully heard from peeps I haven't spoken to in awhile. The best part though, was last Sunday. It was the day before my biopsy. For the first time ever, I went to a winery!

The exciting part....Kevin is the one who took me! =)

He is a non-wine drinker. I'm sure it didn't hurt that his client owns it and got him tipsy off some wine the week before at their meeting (I heart wine drinkers), but still, it was wonderfully surprising. He even drank just as much wine as me! We shared a bottle and it was yummy. There was live music in a very quaint garden gazebo. Aside from the heat, it was perfect. I wished we could have ordered another bottle and chatted with the band guys longer, but we wanted to get home before Kaiden woke up from his nap. Ahhh, parenthood.

Later that night, we even went to Joe's Crabshack (one of my favs). Here's Kaiden waiting for his food. Notice the fork in his hand. He cracks me up!!

It was a great day that really made me feel special. I didn't necessarily play the "tumor card" for this day, but maybe I should start to get more days like it! ha!

So, my question to you is: After surgery, how long do you think I can get away with playing the  "I had a tumor" card?? =)

Mama's Day Off

I think I need to do Mama's Day Off posts more often. They are great days and I love my special, alone time with Kaiden.

That being said, yesterday morning was challenging. The night before I stayed up until 2 a.m. finishing a book and not being able to fall asleep because I was having scary thoughts from the book. LOL. Yeah, mama needed coffee bad the next morning and didn't get any until 11. Needless to say my crankiness must have worn off on Kaiden, because he was a crank-butt too. =)

I finally convinced him to leave the house around 11. It took some convincing because he's obsessed with his toys right now. I reorganized them and put the door back on his changing table to "hide" the toys and he just thinks it's totally awesome. The boy loves a door, I'm telling ya.

Anyhoo, I told him I'd get him a new toy if he was good while I ran some errands and then we'd go see some animals (at our fav free animal conservatory b/c it is hot has heck out) and he obliged. I'm not a fan of the toy selection at Walmart, but since we were there, we took a look. I had about a $10 budget in mind and found a cool doctors kit and cash register that I thought he would choose from. He didn't seem too excited (like I was..lol) so we kept looking. Do you know what this boy picked?? A cell phone. He has like 5-7 of these things. He's obsessed. Bonus: it has Buzz Lightyear on it. =) He was in Heaven. He hugged that thing all day like it was his baby. The first thing he said when he woke up from his nap was "Where my buzz lightyear phone?"  ha!

And since I'm a book-lovin' mama, he got to pick out a book too. He picked an Old McDonald one and I picked out a kids First Bible one. He was running around saying "my Bible, my Bible!" Too cute. The rest of my errands took a bit and he was getting tired toward the end but still wanted to see the animals. I thought quick and asked him if we could go after his nap so dada could come. He agreed with that. =)

Turns out, they close at 4. Oops! Luckily our kid is easy going most days and settled for seeing a waterfall, throwing rocks and looking for bugs behind the conservatory instead. It was over 100 degrees, so we only stayed for about 20 minutes. He loved throwing rocks and I kept busy looking for bugs. We saw ants, a moth, a dragonfly, some butterflies, a spider and wasp. It's "Bug Month" at school, so I've decided to try and keep in stride with what he's learning. They had some cute flowers, so I decided to pop one in my hair. I swear the butterflies were trying to attack me, though. I'm a mama to a boy, so he thought it was funny. I try and do my part to entertain. ;-)

He was thrilled and sweaty but didn't want to leave. I enticed him with the promise of bubble time at home while I made dinner. This worked and we went home and enjoyed bubble time and dinner as a family. It was a great way to end our day!

I'm loving his hair right now.

Over 5 states & through some traffic...

To Nana's house we go!

I was so excited and impressed with how quickly Kaiden warmed up to Nana and Auntie Linda, considering he hasn't seen either since he was 5 months old. It melted my heart when we all hugged and kissed at the airport and starting to walk down to get our luggage and he whispered "I like Linda" in my ear! That was just the beginning of the beautiful connection I witnessed between the three. It certainly didn't hurt that Auntie Linda was well prepared with all things Kaiden LOVES in her car. It came equiped with a Super Man sun shield, elmo stuffy, alien stuffy from Toy Story, a new water cup. gold fish, animal crackers and books galore. He was seriously in Heaven.

Although Kaiden wasn't a huge fan of Nana's dog, Mandy, he had a great time and my arm eventually healed from holding a 32 pound toddler for two days straight since he was scared of the dog. LOL.

The first day I didn't take many pics, since we were all tired and settling in. However, I did think it was too cute going into bed and finding my sweet pumpkin passed out in the same bed I used to sleep in when I was young. Can you say COM-FY??

The next morning, we had a fresh start. He enjoyed playing with the new toys nana got him..

And wearing the his new shirt..

Playing and singing with his Aunties..

He especially loved eating at Nana's. She got yummy treats especially for him..

He also loved taking a bath, always a fav!..

He's swimming here..lol.

We also got in a cute photo-op..these are my favs..

We all had a great time. He left giving Mandy a quick pet and with the impression that "Nana is silly"...true that, kid, true that! ;-)

Forgiveness

My husband is amazing.

He's patient, kind, loving, hard-working, caring, smart, handsome ..and the list can go on and on.

Most importantly (for our marriage), he is forgiving. =)

He forgives me all the time for my short-comings. And trust me, I have several.

Like this morning when he called me for the second time from his work number, and I thought might be my doc's number, I was irritated. He went on to inform me that he had called my doc to tell him that if the biopsy news was bad, to call him first. Call you first? was my initial thought and I was a bit peeved. He wanted to make sure that he knew first so if it was bad news he could drive down here and tell me himself and be the shoulder if I needed one. He said the doc actually said so far it does not look cancerous, but they have some more tests to run and regardless if it was cancerous or not, it looks like he'll have to remove the tumor anyway. Kevin was excited and (like a normal person) was expecting the same reaction from me. I didn't give him that. I said I wasn't going to get my hopes up until the final word and I would like to know that final word as soon as possible. Basically saying the doc better call me first. I'm am a big girl after all! 

See?...I told you forgiveness is a crucial part of our marriage.

After I realized what a bee-otch I was being, I called him back and apologized. I told him that it was nice what he did and I understood and appreciated where he was coming from. However, I've gotten to a place of acceptance no matter the outcome and I just want to know as soon as I possibly can. I left out the part where it would probably be more difficult to hear it from him than the doc, though. It would. Have you seen Kevin's eyes? They are so full of emotion that looking into his eyes as he told his wife that she had cancer would be devastating. Seriously. But, I guess that's what marriage is about. Trying to take on one another's worries and pain. He's a great partner for me and I couldn't be more blessed. 

Thank you, sweetie, for doing your best at loving a sometimes harsh, always wants to be too independent woman. Thank you also for accepting my short-comings and loving me anyways.

You will forever be the ONE! I love you!

Kid, you light up my whole world!

This is the most horrible picture quality known to man. However, it depicts my favorite moments with Kaiden. In my pjs, comfy as can be, intertwined with the cutest, most lovable chub and doing something that makes him laugh his most amazing laugh. I wouldn't trade a moment like this for nothin'.

Here's us taking a picture of dada taking a picture of us.

His smile lights up my soul!!

When the Mama's Away...

Cousins will play!

When Aunt Brandi left us alone with Jackson to go to the doc, we took full advantage of NO RULES!!

lol...just kidding. ha!

I did ransack the house to find Jackson's tummy time mat, though. You know me, had to get a good photo shoot in!

Here's Jackson looking at Kaiden, trying to figure out what he's doing. Love this look!

Aww, he's already learning to look at the camera when Auntie Ange wants a pic! lol.

Kaiden was so cute, shaking that rattle for his little cuz...

Yay! He rolled over!! Holding on to those rings for support. So smart!!

Oh! that look of admiration from the younger one to the older one. There's nothing like a relationship between children. Melts my heart!

Hi cutie!!

Geez!! Do they get ANY cuter?!?!?!

Ok!!! So it DOES get cuter!! All together now...AWWWWW!!!!

I'll be honest, it wasn't all peaches and cream when mama was gone. Jackson got hungry a bit early from all the cousin fun time. There wasn't enough formula in the container on the counter and we went into a bit of a panic. Ok...so  maybe that was just me! I am the WORST at finding stuff, so Jo and I took turns comforting Jackson as we searched. Kaiden must have realized it was a top priority mission because he even tried to help. lol. I ended up finding it in a cabinet that I swear I looked in 10 times. Whooo..it was a close one!

Jackson was happy his idiot Aunts finally got it together and Kaiden wanted to feed "Baby Jackson" since, you know, they bonded and all. So, of course, in good mama/auntie fashion, I obliged. =)

I couldn't be happier for these moments. I will forever cherish Kaiden's firsts with Baby Jackson!