A letter to you.

To my dearest Kaiden,

You had a rough night last night. This usually happens when you don't nap, but you had a fun day yesterday, so I don't really blame you. You first woke up at 9. Screaming the scream that hurts my heart to hear so very much. I tried to rock you, but you never do seem to get comfortable enough laying on me (daddy was gone, so I was your only choice :). You were holding your mouth, so I asked if your teeth were hurting. You just screamed more, so I took that as a yes. I carried you out into the living room and tried to lay down with you. It was a no-go. I laid you down on the papasan and got you some orajel. You fought it, but I got it on your back gums. I took you back into your room and rocked you some more. You finally calmed down and I was able to put you back to bed.

Two hours later as I had just laid down in bed and began to doze off, you started screaming again. I ran in to hug you and you were a little warm. I went to get the motrin and just squirted it down your throat because you were fighting me hard. I tried to lay with you on the couch again. No-go. So, even though this usually never works, I brought you into our room and put you on our bed. Your head so gently on my pillow. And then...it came...like a wave went over you. Calm. I rubbed your leg and stroked your hair. I snuggled with you and listened to your sweet breath. Your eyes dozed in and out. You asked for Kado. You smiled that he was in bed with you. You asked that the fan be turned off. Of course, mommy granted your request. Your eyes dozed in and out. You asked for milk and mommy obliged. You were happy. I pulled up the covers and watched you. I kissed your sweet cheek and admired your eyelashes. You had your arms crossed ever so perfectly. I took a mental picture because I couldn't chance waking you with a real camera. I hope I never forget how beautiful you looked to me last night.

When I felt you were asleep enough, I got up and took the dogs out into the living room. I didn't want to chance them waking you up when daddy got home. I called daddy and told him not to come in the room when he got home. I know, I'm bossy! ;) But, hearing those screams truly breaks my heart. I just wanted you to rest. To sleep easy. Plus, you always sleep horizontal in a regular bed, so there wouldn't have been enough room anyway! By the way, you totally slept horizontal last night! Silly goose!

I got back in bed and thought of all the ways I love you. I put pillows in between the bed and the wall because you know mama has to protect you. You woke up two other times throughout the night and asked for milk. At one point when I told you to lay down and go night night, you said no and laid on me instead. OH! My heart was filled with such joy! I snuggled so deeply with you until you fell back to sleep. It was the most perfect moment. Even though I was exhausted this morning, I was so happy to have that special time with you. To have you need me instead of daddy for a change (not that you had a choice!;). I want you to know that I appreciate those moments with you so very much. You bring me pure joy and it is an honor to be your mommy. I hope you choose to lean on me MUCH MUCH more in the future. I live for these moments and I hope to never take them for granted. Thank you for being you, my love.

I may have given birth to you, but you gave me life. I love you so much!

Love,

Your Mommy