This is me, trying to enjoy the small, beautiful things in life while I feel my world is a bit upside down right now. Kaiden was hysterical this morning when I was trying to leave for work. He wasn't even going to school today. Tuesday's are his day with Jo. So, yeah, it caught me a bit off guard. He is a super mama's boy lately which I L.O.V.E., but I'm having a hard time trying to balance the snuggle time-kiss the boo boo's-letting him go past the one more time rule-mama with the this-is-what's-best-for-you-mama. I mean, he's two. There is no reasoning with a two year old. He just cries and screams and wants me to hold him. He doesn't tell me what's wrong when he gets this way and it just breaks my heart. I want so badly to show him it will be ok. But, unfortunately, just leaving is the best option. The longer I stay, the more he'll cry, because I'm going to have to leave anyway. I hate leaving him when he's like that. It's just hard. I don't know what he's thinking, so I assume the worst. I just hope he knows I love him. I just hope he doesn't cry for long after I leave. I just hope he knows I am doing the best I can. I just want him to be ok and know that even when I'm not present, I'm still there. Always thinking of him, always trying to grow and change so I can be the best mama I can be.
I just hope this passes soon. I don't know how much more I can take.
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