Sunday, August 1, 2010

First Stop, Airport.

Jo, Kaiden & I went out East a couple of weeks ago to see my side of the fam. Since Kevin doesn't have vacation time yet, he was unable to come. This made my biggest worry the airplane.

Since Kaiden is two, things he once loved and new things that he is excited about can out of the blue send him into a freenzy.

For the whole week prior to leaving, I talked about airplanes. Demonstrated how they might feel and sound. I pointed out every airplane I saw in the sky. I told him about security and that we'd have to take our shoes off (huge deal!) and put them in a bucket. No worries, though, we'll get them back on the other side. I read articles on the Internet about tips for traveling with a toddler. I over packed our carry ons that killed mine and Jo's shoulders. I packed snacks and juice boxes (thank you! security for letting them through). I bought new, hopefully exciting, toys that he could get for being good on the plane. Or just for trying something new in general. I mean I'm telling ya, I covered all my bases.

We get through security with just a bit of whining about his shoes. Then, omg, he see's them checking out his juice boxes and started saying (loudly) "my juice!" "my juice!" and I just prayed real quick that they would let him have them. Thank goodness they did! =) I had to check in at the gate b/c I couldn't assign seats for this flight online. Geez, this lady was an idiot and I cursed her in my mind for the next hour.

So, yeah, she decided the best way to make sure I sat with my two year old was to call a specific couple up to the desk. They never came. She didn't think to ask if someone, anyone with two seats together were willing to give up their seats (like the smarty woman did on our last flight back home..thank you!). So, everyone boarded and we were still sitting there. She assumed since the people she called up didn't show face, she would just give us their seat. Genius! We get on the plane and Jo sits down. Hmmm, what do you know, mine and Kaiden's seats are occupied! Niiiice. For the next 5-10 minutes, we stood in the aisle of the tiny plane and waited for them to figure it out. We were getting pushed and panicked. Kaiden starting crying and this guy took a voucher and gave up his seat in first class. Oh, I didn't mention that while Kaiden and I had paid for our seats a month prior, there was only one seat left on the plane while him and I still were not seated. Thank you, guy, for taking a voucher! This older couple gave up their seats together. The woman sat in the first class seat and the man sat in the one empty seat left. We got our seats together, but by this time, Kaiden was hysterical.

He did not want to sit in his seat. He just wanted me to hold him. The flight attendant told me he had to sit in his seat and buckle up before the plane could take off. Uggh. I couldn't even look at the people around me as my son screamed bloody murder. I got him in the seat and buckled, but not without a fight. He was so scared that he was shaking. I decided at that point that I was getting off the plane. It wasn't worth it. Just at that moment, the flight attendant came by and told me not to worry about the other passengers and that we were all babies at one time that cried. It was something I already knew, but just hearing her say it gave me my second wind. I grabbed his hand and just started talking and singing to him. He screamed and cried for about 20 minutes I would say. Eventually, he started to calm. I talked about school and how all his friends would think that it was so cool that he was on a plane. That seemed to help a lot. Then the flight attendant brought him some cookies and juice. She was my life saver!

After that and for the rest of the flights we took, he was an angel. He loved it, even! We had to run all over Detroit's airport and lug all that over packed, heavy luggage around, but I didn't care, as long as he was happy! =)


Mr. Potato Head was a lifesaver and so was letting him be a photographer. =)

He wanted to help us pull the luggage all through the airport. It was too cute!!
Happy Travelers!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

True Confession

How do I put into words what is going on right now?

I have a tumor. 

Ok, so that was easy.

I have a tumor, but it doesn't define me. I have a tumor, but do not know if it is cancerous yet. I have a tumor and when the doctor gave me the worst case scenario, my heart sunk into my stomach and my tumor felt like it weighed 80 lbs.

When I walked out of the doctors office I declared to myself that I would start being a better wife. That I would support Kevin through this time, because I almost feel like he needs it more than me. A support system, I mean. My heart ached for him so bad and when I looked up at him, I couldn't do it. I couldn't be what he needed me to be b/c the puppy dog look he had on his face. I should have been strong, but I broke down instead. And he was the perfect husband and did what he was supposed to. It made me ache so much more for him.

After work, I couldn't go home. I still couldn't go be that wife I declared myself to be. And, goodness, I couldn't go look in my baby boys eyes knowing my worst case scenario. I went shopping instead. I think I must have looked at every.single.thing Hobby Lobby had in their store 2 times each. It's a big store, too. I ended up buying a decorative bird house that was 50% off. I don't like birds, but something about this bird house kept calling me back to it.

I'm not a super religious person, but I definitely have a relationship with God. He gets me. He gets me so good. And there are these dynamic times where I finally realize that He gets me and I let Him lead me and show me things that only He could make happen. This bird house for example, it was His way of telling me to stop being fearful. He is in control and He has my back no matter what. Face your fears He said. And so I bought this bird house, not that a real bird is going in it, but it's a reminder. A reminder that fears are just a feeling and just b/c you're fearful of something doesn't mean it will harm you.

On the drive home, I balled my eyes out. God released me. I had India Arie's Video on repeat and boy did I sing and cry and sing and cry. Replacing the lyrics I will always be India Arie with a very slow I will always be A N G EEEE. I wasn't afraid that I was crying too hard that I might not be driving the best and get pulled over. I almost had a feeling of welcoming a cop to stop me. I swear I would of hugged him/her so tight and just let it all out. Can't you just see me now? I have a tumor, but I'm ok. I bought a bird house and I am a Queen. They probably would have taken me to the psyche ward. LOL.

It felt good to let it out. A good, hard cry. When I was almost home, I changed lanes and God so perfectly placed a car in front of me that said Life is Good on the back. I couldn't help but smile.

Yesterday, when I broke down too, He so perfectly woke my baby up and I heard his sweet voice over the monitor. Cries are freeing, but remembering that Life is Good and hearing Kaiden's voice is so so much better. I ran to his room and hugged him so tight. We played a game on his changing table after that for a good 20 mintues. I'll never get enough of his laugh.

I couldn't help but ask Kevin last night if he'll be able to accurately convey to Kaiden how much I really love him if I died. It was so unfair, and no, I don't think I'm going to die, but my mind can't help but go there sometimes. In perfect husband fashion, he started naming little stuff I do with Kaiden that shows how much I love him. My favorite? You hide his knees.  That's the game I had just made up on his changing table. Even though I said that he couldn't just come up with stuff I just did, it made my heart smile. Those ARE the things I hope Kaiden remembers when he's older. Those are my favorite times with him. So carefree, so beautiful.

So, I have a tumor and I have yet to be the supportive wife I want to be.

Oh, but I have a bird house. I have a song. I have a wonderful, supportive husband. I have a child that lights up my soul. I have family that loves and prays for me. Best of all, though, I have a God that shows me His ways that only I can understand and appreciate. He knows me so so well. He has my back no matter what my worst case scenario is. He has a plan and I trust and believe in this plan.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Oh My Goodness!

I haven't blogged in almost 2 weeks! 

But, that's ok. I was enjoying time with family. Taking airplane rides. Reading books. Trying to stay calm through many 2 year old tantrums. Snuggling and kissing. Laughing. Eating. Jumping in waves. Playing ring around the rosie in the pool. Hearing old stories. Creating new ones. Giving in to cookies and chocolate milk. Getting a baby to coo. Making plans and not doing them. Playing fetch with doggies. Singing. Dancing. Getting excited, and a little fearful, that my munchkin can now open doors. Watching movies. Getting my toes done. Smiling. Sweating. Enjoying.

More to come soon...